D Rules for Writers

The following list of rules for writers came to me via e-mail from a friend. I have no idea who wrote it originally, but it summarizes well the rules you should attempt to follow in all your writing, not just your report writing. I copy it gratefully here. See how many of these rules I break in the book and on this website and make sure that you do better!

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is better to never split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments
11. Contractions aren’t necessary so don’t use them.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it is highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalise.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don’t use no double negatives.
17. Use ampersands & abbreviations, etc. only where told to do so in the report.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation marks!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Use quotations sparingly. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
28. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go round the barn at midnight to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. Avoid “buzz-words”; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.
35. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.